And thus, the end begins

Bonsoir mon cher, I kept wondering how or where to begin, many ideas swarmed my mind, but finally, I found the answer, on your own words....

I realized many things, one of them is that cyber world makes you seem still alive and very much present, there is a palpitating sensation of being able to reach you with the tip of these small fingers pressing black and white keys... this impulse felt all over my body urges me to pour my entire essence in these words and thus, somehow become eternal with you.

Unsure if you can see these words, but still I prefer to try than keep quiet any longer, for is this the exact reason what made me lose you.

I went back to conversations, and I saw.... I was too prudent, too wise... or so I thought.... I chose to respect what was most dear to you rather than be selfish confessing what has always been my most intimate and desperate wishes. I waited Oh! so patiently for you, accepting and adapting to every one of your moves... but now...now my lack of selfishness forces me to wait even longer, to wait an entire senseless life, what It feels like an everlasting torture, before I get to see you again... and there is no guarantee....maybe I'll stumble upon a never-ending loop of  memories, maybe I'll be forever in a wish pretending a magical encounter filled in ecstasy, but in reality, never close to you... maybe there will be absolutely nothing, as you said, only the end of eternity & consciousness, or maybe, as I fear, there will be only eternal oblivion, not even aware of the cease of personal existence... but is the slight chance that I'll be able to join you in the Origin and hug you once more after I'm gone that keeps a spark of hope in this depressed heart of mine.

I wonder If you really knew until which point you were and are loved, I wonder until which point you felt that love, I wonder why you never embraced it.... I hope you now understand my Lord, that I took my place in your heart very seriously, so here is your Night Rose, forever loyal and devoted...

Maybe I am just talking to myself, but my instincts force me to believe there may be a slight chance thay you may be watching.... are you there? or have I become completely insane? I won't pretend to expect for an answer, I know I'll receive only silence in return... but I hope your now perpetual essence is indeed watching

I want to continue our philosophies, stories and passionate writing, all you left me were your words, so I'll answer... hopefully one day we'll meet again and continue this path of knowledge and passion. The one of love still goes on, for there won't be any day while I breathe that I won't deeply love you.

...ABOUT THAT TIME....

Reading your enchanting and fascinating words, I came across one specific post on February 2007. You know which one I am talking about... To sleep, perchance to dream.... I froze when I read it... as usual, your uncanny precision was  beyond extraordinary. This post made me understand what you went through within you, the moment that it happened. Anyone that knows you and reads this will understand. Personally speaking, I was able to somehow re-live what you went through, as If being inside you when it happened. It amazes and saddens me to realize how this seemed meant to be... You dreamt about this 8 years ago, you dreamt of you death with such precision... You may have tried to dismiss it due to your logical and agnostic mind, but I think you knew that what you dreamt was your fate (did you ever believed in fate? I am not entirely convinced of it), I believe you understood that dream, accepting it as a fact somewhere in your subconscious, and once in there, on that tragic night, you might have felt having a deja vu... I can even imagine you saying "this is it" inside you while it was felt. I'll write more about this later.

All these insomniac words are mere speculations, mind me, I may or may not be wrong, yet, it is inevitable to fascinate over the facts that this particular post of yours was beyond accurate and detailed on what you lived and felt 8 years, 5 months and 12 days later, bringing a swarm of wondering incertitude to haunt once more my mind. Fact is, if this was a glimpse of an inevitable future, then I COULDN'T HAVE SAVED YOU.

We all think of the choices we could have made, we all think of the idiotic verb "IF" making us be all lost in space and time, trapped in a loop, and struggling daily to get out of it... most of us pretend to keep going forward... in reality, we fall once more in that whirlwind of  nonacceptance and unbearable pain.

My Lord Alzirr, Behold the power and influence of your presence in this life! You have indeed become an indestructible immortal. Even in absence, My Lord, you are an Extraordinary and magnificent being that never ceases to amaze me, in life and in death. You shook the world, making it empty without you, yet, remain in our daily lives. These accomplishments are rarely seen, Rejoice! Thy memory is infinite!

We shall continue this passionate expression of essence, but for now I'll surrender to Morpheus's embrace hoping to meet you in my dreams.



Yours in eternal life and eternal death,

"...But then a sound comes. A sound uncannily out of place, even in this twisted reality. The sound becomes deafening, blasting through me, burning me. I burst, as consciousness brings closure to this unearthly plane.

I wake up."
-Alzirr Mortis Vyktor, ONIRIC WORDS